Thursday, December 9, 2010


Tis the season for traditions and I love a great tradition as much as the next guy, maybe even more. I don’t intend to get up on my soapbox to criticize the youth of America today, but I feel that it’s my duty to at least point out a severe injustice that is taking place each and every day. This near-criminal act of negligence is the fault of parents, cousins and older siblings all across the country. I believe that it is our responsibility to pass on the sacred schoolyard traditions of our youth, and that’s not happening people. For the sake of keeping this fine art form alive and well, I beg of you, please find it in your hearts to instruct the little children of the world. I know that if you try, really try, you can all remember those sweet poems, affectionate pet names and the fun play on words that were really special. In case you come up empty, I’ve supplied a few to give you a warp-speed trip down memory lane.
-          I’m rubber and you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you
-          No cuts, no butts no coconuts
-          I don’t grow up, I look at you and throw up, then you come around the corner and lick it up
-          (for the ladies) look down the front of your shirt and spell attic
-          Me Chinese, me play joke, me go pee-pee in your Coke
-          Cootie-spray
-          Fatty Fatty two by four, can’t fit through the bathroom door, so she did it on the floor, licked it up and did some more
-          Please?! I’ll be your best friend!
-          Some fun pet names: gayrod, gaymo, Gaylord, homo, dickweed, queerbait, test tube baby, dicksmack, cock-knocker, pole-smoker, butt-humper, crack baby, dickless, dillweed, & dillhole
-          Do you like me/will you go out with me, Circle Yes or No
-          Hold your tongue and say “I was born on a pirate ship”
-          When you really get someone good, say “Burn!!”
-          “Same to you and more of it!”
-          Up for grabs, down for safety
-          “Did your Mom have any kids that lived?”
Ok folks, that should get you started. Now, please treat this phenomenon seriously, get out there and bring it back!

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