Friday, January 7, 2011

Happy Birthday E

When I was a Freshman in High School, I was obsessed with Elvis. Not sure why, I mean, Elvis is okay but in hindsight, there are so many amazing dead rock stars that I could have idolized. Plus, being a dweeby little poor kid was social impediment enough without my unhealthy love for The King.

And my fascination did nothing to help my blossoming love life. It turns out that the ladies are just not that into a guy that can tell you how many times Elvis played outside the US (5) or that Elvis was the first pop star to ever hit $1 million in record sales or that when Elvis was on Ed Sullivan about one third of the US population watched.

But all stats aside, Elvis was just cool as hell. Elvis had a construction crew build a secret room in the pool house at Graceland so that when the ladies would go change into their swimsuits the guys could sneak into a room behind a two-way mirror and watch the women change. Elvis would rent entire out entire movie theaters or theme parks just for his friends and family. Elvis would fly himself and his entourage, nicknamed the Memphis Mafia, halfway across the country in his own private jet just for his favorite sandwich. Elvis had a black belt in karate, a pet chimpanzee named scatter and had a tv installed on the ceiling over his bed. Elvis wore a cross, Hebrew letter chai and the star of David stating, "I don't want to miss out on heaven due to a technicality". 

Face it people, Elvis was amazing, and when I look back, I do now realize that maybe I was obsessed with good reason. Long Live The King.

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